Happy Birthday K. Reagan

So this year is  a “milestone” birthday for me. One I wasn’t ready to deal with. I looked at my professional life, my love life, and decided “Hmm, turning ___ years old? Naw. Not yet.” I  am just having a hard time trying to accept it. You know that moment when you process your new age and what it means and you reflect on that? I WANT TO TOTALLY SKIP THAT PART.   Though the reality is, now, I’m a whole ‘nother year older than the age I turned last year, but I still haven’t turned that age yet. So basically, I am all screwed up in the head. More than usual.


I’m either going to keep rolling with the age I turned in 2006 for another year or take on my 2009 one. But this 2011 one? Oh no, hell no. Ain’t happening. The last thing I need right now is to go another hour forward on my biological clock (I am hitting the snooze button with a sledgehammer until my Jet wedding, even though the buzzing is getting louder), nor do I need to play “Well, what was so-and-so doing at this age?” or “Why is such-and-such 35 and this far ahead in the life game?” or “When is my passion going to become a career and not a secret side hustle?”

It’s an awkward time of life for me. It’s the crisis before the mid- life crisis: grown, but still a lot of growing to do. Scratching the surface of the lives we want, but still not planted firmly where we’re trying to be. Caught between being ready for families and relishing freedom, while managing the fact that the former is not hardly promised and the latter, quite overrated at times.

Though all jokes aside

My meandering thoughts on turning 3+++++?:

I’ve concluded that most of the commenters on the blog are in their 20s and 30’s. And I largely base that theory on the way turning 35 is viewed as the end all of life. Like if you haven’t found a husband, a career path, bought a house, popped out a kid, finished school or any other so-called markers of adulthood by the time you’re 34 and 264 days, you might as well just call it a wrap and settle for life’s consolation prize. Every thing that matters is just oh-vah for the next 50-60 years once anyone, but especially a single woman, falls off the twenty-something cliff.

A cheating man? Hell no at 25, but okay at 35.

Not married at 30? Give up.  Not married at 35? You’ll be single forever.

Ain’t got a prospect by 30? (love yourself)…..Ain’t got a prospect by 35? L-O-S-E-R!

35 (sigh)……..

Gosh. Sounds… old, huh? Just a lil. LOL.

I know I don’t look my age. Last time I hit the beach, some college boys tried to kick it to me. They looked like babies. Asked to sit by my blanket. Nah, boo. A bassinet is a better look. I feel old sometimes though. Don’t quite get over colds the way I once did and sometimes my knee is achy after a good run or bench lunges. Got some grey hairs too. I don’t even bother coloring them. Such is life.

At some point in this life time I will gradually accept the realization that I am actually over 30.  It’s just that I don’t feel old. Matter of fact, I don’t even feel grown. Don’t feel like I’ve arrived, still got a-ways to go on my path. But I can see the destination. It’s still on a hill, but I’m not looking from the bottom of the valley anymore. I can carve a clear path if I stay focused.  The good in my life outweighs the bad.  I’m happy, I’m able, and I’m breathing…


“You may not be where you want to be, but thank God you are not where you were.”

That quote was rolling around in my head today.  It’s the eve of my birthday and it got me to thinking about all the things that I’ve learned about relationships and me since moving to Charlotte some years ago.  I’ve encountered my share of bull, and I’ve done my share of it, too.  I don’t regret any of it; I’ve grown and learned from most of my mistakes.  I still have a long way to go, but I thank God every day that I am not where I began.

So that brings me to why I am sitting here making a list of the lessons so I could track my progress.  Most are very simple and very obvious but were very hard to get at nonetheless.  They are the things that I wish someone had told me or the things someone told me that I didn’t listen to.  Sometimes I still don’t.

Going into the next age with a new lease on life 🙂

  1. If he doesn’t call, he’s not interested.  Period.
  2. It’s impossible to fill an emotional void with a physical act.
  3. If he says he’s not read for a relationship, he’s not ready for a relationship.
  4. Kings don’t always wear crowns.
  5. Wanting to have sex with you and wanting to be with you can be mutually exclusive ideas.
  6. Wanting you to want him and actually wanting you can be mutually exclusive ideas.
  7. If he has a girlfriend, leave him alone.  If he leaves her for you, he’ll do the same to you.  If he stays with her and deals with you, he’s a whore.  Either option is bad for you.
  8. A beautiful face (or body) does not make a beautiful mind.
  9. Men don’t read minds; if you want something, ask for it.
  10. Just because he’s a good man, that does not make him the right man for you.
  11. It’s okay to be alone.  You’ll be fine without him.  Pinky swear it.
  12. Sometimes things just don’t work out, and it’s nobody’s fault.
  13. You don’t always get closure.  Make peace with it anyway.
  14. You have to grow, but you don’t have to change.
  15. Just because you miss him, that does not mean you are meant to be with him.
  16. Good guys exist, but perfection does not.
  17. Learn to compromise, but don’t compromise yourself.
  18. Love is a verb.  Having an emotion means absolutely nothing if it is not followed through with action.
  19. Know that if he is the One, he will be the One.
  20. When you feel as if you’re forcing a relationship, you are.  It’s not working.  Stop and look for the Next One.
  21. Complaining about men will not somehow make men better.  It will only make you bitter.
  22. If you’re single and can’t find your type, go looking for him.  There is nothing wrong with being proactive about you want.
  23. You don’t have to be an angry woman to be a strong woman.  Angry does not equal strong.  It equals angry.
  24. Good men make bad mistakes.  That said, there’s a difference between a moral failing and a mistake.  Forgive mistakes.  Get rid of moral failures.
  25. Every man isn’t out to get you or do you dirty.
  26. If you’re always complaining that men “ain’t shit,” ask yourself what’s wrong with you that you keep attracting “ain’t shit” men.
  27. A bad break up is a valid excuse to break down, but to stay down.
  28. Wear your size.  Not the size you want to be.  If you wanna be an 8, but wear a 12, buy the 12 and cut the label out (then go to the gym.)  You always look better in clothes that fit ( and when you work out.  Even if you’re a four, there’s a difference between a flabby four and a tight one.)
  29. Figure out which fabrics, colors, cuts and styles fit your body.  Waste a day trying on clothes at your favorite stores and see what flatters and what doesn’t and stick to that and not what’s in style.  Oh, and Spanx are your friends
  30. There’s no reason to look bad in pictures.  Too many Facebook and Twitter bad photos floating around online.  Practice your smile and your pose so you know what’s flattering.  Keep in mind that your face changes as you age, so update your pose and your expression to fit.
  31. Drop your baggage.  It’s as simple as figuring out what it is, placing it down and walking away.
  32. Do stuff alone.  People who can’t be alone drive me up a wall.  If you don’t enjoy your own company, how can you expect anyone else to?  Start with a movie – yes, a movie.  Try a matinee if you’re paranoid.  Then move on to lunch, then dinner, ad finally another country alone.  Yes, yes, you can do it.  And you will be fine.”
  33. Read.  It’s not really cute at 20 anything to say, “ I don’t like reading.”  (Actually, it makes you look stupid.)  At 30, you’re a joke.  Not only should you read newspapers online daily and watch CNN, you should read some books too.  Have something to take about other than YBF.com (no that there’s anything wrong with YBF.com, it’s just not the ONLY thing you should read.)”
  34. Get your makeup done.  This seemed so obvious to me – until I met grown women who don’t know how to do makeup.  Really?  Go to the MAC store, make an appointment.  It’s $50 to get it done professionally, free if you buy $50 worth of products.  Every MAC store does it.
  35. STOP runnin with folks who have your PROBLEMS & START running with folks who have your ANSWERS!