Well Well – I’ll Never Understand

Far and long ago, I was out with my boys at some party Smirnoff hosted for two weeks. At the party, one spotted a young lady he’d met and been lukewarm about, then talked to and become borderline in love with.

After their initial meeting, he’d called when he was free, which happened to be late. Likely 11:30. Yes, it was a booty call hour, but a booty call was not the intent. But never mind that.

She answered, firmly told him she did not accept calls from men at that hour, and hung up. He was in love.

I wasn’t sure I got why. “Because she’s hard to get and making you chase?”

He shook his head, not even disguising the lovelorn look from his face. (Honestly, he was giddy, but it doesn’t sound right describing a straight man that way.) “She’s a lady.” He added a big sigh at the end for dramatic effect. He sounded like he was talking about a mythical creature.

Another outing. Same boys. Different girls. One boy begins to tell another about this chick he met the week prior at a friend’s birthday dinner. I can’t recall all the details because as a woman I cue in more to description of feelings about women rather than their physical make-up (That and my dudes all have types. If they’re excited about a chick, I rarely need to see her to know what she looks like.)

Anyway, we get through the physical description, then the speaker drops the golden bomb on the mostly nonchalant listener. “And she’s a virgin!”

I cue in to this. “A virgin?! What?!” Turns out chick is 26 and has never been touched for the very first time. (Cue Madonna). It’s a little odd, but I don’t knock it for various reasons, including the reigning STD/HIV rate should make everyone think about becoming a born-again one.

My boys are practically salivating at the mouth over the idea of the 26 year old virgin, but for totally different reasons. They drop words like “pure” and descriptions like “good woman” (apparently it’s not about personality and character, or even keeping a house. It’s about lack of humping. Who knew?). This is all folllowed by their 16-year-old boy notions of being “the first.”

I’m honestly baffled. Like they (as in my boys) like to hump. A lot. So what are they gonna do with a chick who doesn’t? Who hasn’t? Ever!


He’s single and focused. He holds good conversation and listens to jazz. He’s got swagger and smile that I’m sure has made many a woman say yes when she promised herself she’d say no. The old folks would say he has good disposition. The young folks would call him fine. I’ve had a crush on him forever.

A friend of his found this out at a park picnic and exclaimed, “What?!”

Apparently he has a crush on me too. “He like loves you. Ohmigod!!” she bursts.

Me: (squealing) Really?

Her: Yes, really!! He’s waiting till he has a job to ask you out.

I heard he got a job awhile back. He still hasn’t called for a date.

Unicorns, Mermaids, & Fire-breathing Dragons.

Ladies, Virgins, & Perfect Men.