So It’s Over

Typically you’d think that if you were going to start a a whoa is me blog, it’d start with day one.  However, day one of my breakup was spent sobbing in the bed and playing Faith Evan’s  “Lately I” over and over in my I-pod so I was a bit incapacitated, needless to say.  Technically, this is really like day 8 since the previous week was spent fervently denying this breakup was actually happening in the first place. Regardless. Since stalking and being in a relationship by yourself is generally frowned upon and yes, quite pathetic, I guess I have no choice but to try to find a way to move on.

About a week ago, my three and a half, relationship to the guy I was convinced would father, my very adorable and highly intelligent children ended.  Yesterday, I finally accepted this fact.  I would love to say that our time together was pure and blissful heaven on Earth, but that would be a lie.  In reality, it was more a mixture of heaven and hell with hell increasingly butting into heaven’s time as the months progressed.  Only two people with as dysfunctional childhoods as our own could have possibly held on as long as we did. But throughout it all, this man became my advice giver, my confidante, my music suggester, candy supplier, my biggest critic, and my biggest supporter. Every detailed moment of my life for the the past three and a half years of my life I shared with this man. He was my friend most importantly an ear I could turn to. Through the good and the bad times, he became my best friend. And I miss him like hell.

I’ve never experienced vulnerability of this magnitude, but it far outweighs the alternative of having never experienced the gift of love. If our journey leads us back together one day or our relationship dies here at this dead end, I am forever grateful to have caught a glimpse of what could be.

I know I’m not alone here. We’ve all been in love and lost love and said we were never going to fall in love again then did it anyways.  We play the cycle out over and over everyday. But no matter how many times we do it, breaking up sucks. Plain and simple. So I’m going to follow the best advice I’ve ever been given: If something is too painful, find a way to laugh about it.  I hope you can laugh with me.

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